some days i wonder

i wonder what the world would be like if you were still here what ripple you would send out into the cosmos and how the universe would react

sometimes I think the stars just weren't ready somehow they knew that you would best them your smile a laugh that I can't hear anymore but can still remember how big it seemed in these fading minutes and how sure we were that it was ours for the taking

i wonder what would it be like if we never went out that night if we stayed in the basement or went some place else instead i remember saying goodnight and being certain I would see you in the morning and that we would laugh about something that we would never remember even if it was about the night before but that never happened and it hasn't since

i remember your mom crying collapsing to the floor i remember going to get your belongings tucked inside a plastic bag like your existence could be held in such a small vessel i remember feeling like the world had lost something it didn't even know it needed a secret we all knew but hadn't quite let the atoms of the universe in on yet

sometimes I wonder how the world would be but really I just miss you and wonder how i would be