i remember you but not in the ways i thought i would it comes in smells and sounds but not the ones i had imagined would carry you would some how make you real again and bring you back to life in all of the ways i wish i could

i remember pieces scattered chaotic pieces that fall like a beautiful rain storm erratic and loud in ways that take my breath and make my stomach dance as time goes on and i learn more about this world and the things i couldn't learn from you i wonder more about the things that i could have found in you instead of stumbling and falling on my own as i venture out from the circle of grief i held on to for so long because i thought i would forget what it meant to be near you if i surrendered my ground inside that purgatory if i let myself live the way you would have wanted me to i thought i would lose the very thing i had already lost

but i still remember